"Sour grapes may turn into sweet ice wine,
if we wait long enough,
just for it to become frozen on the vine."

Reflection of Time

Moving out for the first time is not easy. It is not only physically and mentally stressful, but also emotionally draining. No matter how eager you are to move to a new place, no matter how excited you are to stay in a brand new house, there is somehow something about the old home that you are going to miss.

So, 2010 is the first year my family is moving out to a new home. I am definitely going to miss our old house in the town. That is the place where i grew up in a huge extended family. That is the home which all of us siblings knew from birth. That is also the hub where relatives from far and near gather during homecoming.

The town house of ours has witnessed a succession of occupants in the family since generations ago. It is indeed a reflection of time. I am flying off to the States tomorrow and when i return home by next month, I will be stepping into a new house altogether. I know I will swell with a bundle emotions at that time - missing the old home in the midst of adjusting to the new one. But time changes. The old house has been our childhood home where all cousins gather and play, but who knows - 50 years down the road, the new house will become our grandchildren's get-together place.

"Climb every mountain,
Ford every stream,
Follow every rainbow,
Till you find your dream..."

Rodgers and Hammerstein

To believe

"When I'm able to walk on my own two feet again, when I'm able to manouver the steering wheel one fine day, I will come to see you on my own, doctor. I promise..."

Those were the most uplifting words I have heard since many months ago. So restorative they are, they also heal the heart of a listener like me. Those were the words which upraise my tainted heart after encountering so many lifeless souls and disheartened spirits at the medical house.

Indeed, there is no one else better to believe in, except for you yourself.

I hope, he will be able to make it one day, to walk on his own two feet again without aids, to drive a car and meet his doctor and proudly say "I've made it".

"... I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain't as half as bad
As they paint it to be..."

I decided to leave work at 5 sharp the other day, put on my trainers and went for a jog. After running a couple of rounds, i explored this little quaint town a bit with my camera and car, and I saw this little lake just off the main road. As I pulled up by the sandy bay, I saw an old couple fishing at the lake, with birds flying above them, and a soft breeze blowing against them - they were both wearing a peaceful look on their faces - such a tranquil moment for them, I thought.

And today is exactly one solid month since i left home to this new place. Senior staffs have been very warm and nice, and I noticed that the people here are generally cordial. The best thing is that, patients here seem to be friendlier and happier-looking too, and this gives a sense of satisfaction at the end of any tiring day.

Indeed, to adjust to a new place quickly, I realise that it's so much easier if we look at the positive side of things. For a big hospital in a relatively small town like this, I'm sure I'm here for a reason. And i'm starting to see the rationale of it.

I'll go back to that lake one day again. Just to chill and to watch the sunset, maybe.

I always enjoy train rides.

Watching the sunset on the west, followed by a light shower of rain thereafter - it was all so refreshing. I always love train rides, for they provide me a certain kind of mood, a feeling of serenity. As the train whizzes through the lush greeneries of the country, I cant help but to admire how well the scenery complements the beauty of Mother Nature. And today, especially after a great weekend, I gained new insight about living this life of mine, walking this path laid ahead of me.

Even though I was all alone, I knew I was never quite lonely. And that makes any ride, so pleasant and sweet.

From little things... that made up a year.

Now at the end of the first working year, life has to take a turn again.

More than a year ago, each of us started off as a total pharmacist-newbie - I didn't even know what Vasteral is (this drug never existed in my university textbooks!) A real noob I really was, for I used to wonder how seniors took only 5 seconds to screen a prescription, while i needed 5 minutes to screen one!

Today, after seeing thousands of faces, after talking to thousands of patients, after rotating between a dozen of departments, after learning about hundreds of medications and diseases, I believe we are now a different person each.

And, just when we all almost felt like we have known each other for a lifetime, we just have to step out of our comfort zone. But a year of memory is what we would truly cherish at the end of the day. We have travelled to the highlands together, we have made numerous 'makan' trips together and we have played endless games together. To me, preregistration training was not just about being able to complete the competencies targets expected of us, but it's also about working together as a team, building rapport with other healthcare professionals as well as with the patients, and most importantly - treasure the friendships which you have made throughout the one year.

Senior pharmacists and senior staffs in the hospital have been really warm to us, so we thank you for that.

With that, to all my dear ex-PRPs colleagues, i truly wish you all the best of luck!!! We shall all now look forward to a new working environment!

I want to be swept off my feet again

One fine day, i would want to watch this show live again. To experience the visual and musical effect in the Majesty Theatre of London, to be wowed by the grand stair case for Masquerade, to be awed by the cinematic feel of the entire stage musical.

One day, the time will come. It's a love for which I have held on so strongly, and i still ain't over it yet.

Marvels of Mechanical Music

I always have a soft spot for music boxes. In fact, a mechanical music box is one of my favourite things - one which does not run on battery, made of metal pieces and purely mechanical. It is such an ingenious tiny article, the creation of mechanical wonders, converting the energy into beautiful sounds of music.

The most fascinating part of the gadget is perhaps the metal cylinder with lots of tiny tangible dots, akin to the Braille. When the cylinder is rotated, each studded dot comes around and lifts up the metal tooth on the comb. And as it leaves, the metal tooth will snap back, and this delivers a precise note of music.

This is the simplest, and perhaps also the earliest form of mechanical music, dated way back before the creation of the more sophisticated organ or piano. It doesnt take a musical maestro to make this musical box work. All you need to do is just turn around the lever, at your own tempo. You are your own musician - wind it fast and the music plays on an allegreto mood, or go slow to create an adagio piece!

Playing and listening to these mechanical music makes me think about places like Salzburg and Cologne. These are the land of music, the historical places of world's greatest composers like Mozart and Beethoven. Music has been something which i grew up with, and it takes passion to keep it glowing.

In short, I feel that these mechanical music boxes are so magical that when one listens to it, he or she is in fact listening to the history in the form of music, experiencing the wonders of inventions of man. It is a dream of mine to have a collection of these music boxes from all over the world; though I have only a couple of them right now, I treasure each and every one which I already have. :)

When September Ends

Summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends...

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are...

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends...

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends...

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are...

Summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends...

"Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day

The Sun is Smiling

Of the many departments in the hospital, I always thought that maternity ward is the happiest place to be in. Over the visiting hours, you will see a vast of smiling faces. And these are usually the new parents or grandparents, or even close family friends. Every pair of eyes would be admiring their new little angels, all cocooned up in little blankets to keep them warm.

But, I also learnt that the happiest ward might also be a sad place for some.

It was on a sunny afternoon when the ward nurse handed me a prescription for a young Indian lady. The doctor had endorsed only a list of medications for the mother, and none for the baby. In the midst of the chatters and laughters of other happy parents in the ward, I spotted the Indian lady whose prescription was in my hand. She was sitting alone on a bench, facing the small garden in between the wards. I approached her, wanting her to acknowledge my presence, but at the same time, fearing that i might be disturbing her from her deep thoughts.

She seemed upset while looking at the bag of medications in my hands. I said no words as I sat down next to her. As though talking to a complete stranger, she shared a few words, "She's my second baby, and like the first one, she did not survive immediately after birth."

My heart cried out for her when i listened to her. The tired eyes, the weary mood, the wrinkled face - all of which showed me how hard it was to be a mother and to conceive a baby.

As I was still lost for words, she continued, "But you know, my dear, life has to go on. My babies have just gone to heaven early. And, I'm now seeing the sun smiling anew. Have you noticed it today?"

I didn't answer her. For I was dumbfounded and amazed by her spirit. She was only 32, not much older than I am; but much wiser, much mellower, much stronger in faith.

I dispensed the medications to her, still overwhelmed by what she has just said. Her words echoed in my inner ear - "...I'm now seeing the sun smiling anew..."

She thanked me with a wide smile, and as I left the bench, I finally told her, "Yes I have seen the sun smiling. I have seen it in your smile. I should thank you for that."

I came home that day, with one message sent across my mind - at any moment of life when all we see is just darkness, start searching for the light. It is there, it's just how we perceive it. Let it shine unto us. Let it show us the way, so that we will not feel at lost.


To my best friend who is in grief now for the passing of her loved one, please stay strong, for the sun is always there, smiling at you.

May It Be

...Mornie utulie,
Believe and you will find your way.
Mornie alantie,
A promise lives within you now...

My so-called hometown Barista

Each time i frequent this particular eating place, the owner never fails to fascinate me with the way he prepares and mixes the drinks for all his customers. He makes coffee, tea and other non-alcoholic beverages, but my favourite is always his hot milo (Malaysian's favourite chocolate malt drink) - with less sugar added.

But seriously, the sight of him working diligently at his kitchen worktop is so assuring that you know you are going to be served with the best drink which you have ordered. The clatters between the stainless-steel teaspoon and the old porcelain cups is so zestful that you know that guy is stirring your drink with much effort. He spares all his concentration and spends a lot of time preparing each cup of drink, plus he makes sure that he stirs each one for at least 10 to 15 seconds. The best reward is that when you take the first sip of your hot coffee, it wouldnt be over piping hot that it burns your tongue; in fact it would just be at a perfect temperature after much stirring, with a whiff of the coffee sending aroma to your senses.

Simply put, I think that man is my favourite Barista in my hometown, and he's best caught in action when one of his hand is holding the ear of the small porcelain cup, and another hand fastened to a stirrer while moving back and forth until the drink in front of him froths up a little.

And by the way, he doesn't work in an airconditioned cafe, nor does he work in the Starbucks. He works under the roof of the oldest market in our country, in the heart of my little hometown. Yes, it's Siang Malam of Taiping I'm talking about.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost (1875-1963)

the Centipede and the Earthworm

Just a night ago,
when i sat next to you at bedtime,
you were reading out aloud,
the story of the Centipede and the Earthworm.

I cant help but to smile to myself,
at the sight of you, hanging on so well.

And today,
when you read aloud to those kids,
the story of the Centipede and the Earthworm,
I cant help but to be so proud of you,
And told myself,
with God's grace,
you will take every single challenge,
with complete calmness and wisdom.

Be strong, and come what may, I will always be there for you, my dear friend and sister.

Seascape Escape

Beaches are not what she usually fancies, for she is more a mountain, woods and landscape kind of person. But on that day, the seascape was so spectacular that it took her breath away. Stunning rock formations illustrated the backdrop of the view. Pristine sandy beaches stretched down as far as the eyes could see. Old wooden boats lined the shore. The whole place was sun-drenched, the sky was illustrated with fluffy clouds, the water was sparkling blue. Well, there’s just something about the Andaman water, she thought.

A few locals were at work, a couple of tourists were lazing in the sun, a group of kids were frolicking in the water...

For a moment, all her worries were swept away by the waves. All the uncertainties and the frustrations of life were drowned within the wide open sea. The whole place seemed to vibrate with a positive energy, and she prayed silently, for a quick recovery of her loved one.

A mile in a while with a smile.

I'm moving on, but i need to move on another mile,
I'm going slowly, but i know it would take a while,
I'm looking ahead, but one day, i'll look back and smile.

Money and Emotions

It was at the MMI (Millionaire Mind Intensive) seminar by T. Harv Eker, when I was challenged to recall a specific incident from the deepest of my memory - the task was to write down the most intense emotional incident from the past concerning money.

I hesitated many times before i finally decided to post this entry today. After all, I have found my courage to share it with more than 3,000 strangers in that seminar, so I asked myself - why not here?

* * *

"The incident which I am gonna share with everyone here, is merely my own resentment to the circumstances in which I felt very helpless regarding money. Well, what happened was, when i was a student in the UK, i had a dream - a dream to fly my parents to Europe upon my graduation. I had some savings, but they were not abundant. I did several things to save more - I worked at the football stadiums, i sold hotdogs at concert, I worked for my university, I saved up much of my allowances from my study sponsor - every measure was to save every penny for my parents' trip. Well, the amount I saved was not enormous, but they were eventually sufficient for me to plan a good 3-week Europe trip with the both of them. Of course, it would not be luxurious - a trip which would involve a lot of walking, staying in budget hotels, taking tubes and buses and flying via budget airlines. Despite it being low-cost, I was really anticipating for a good trip together. And then, I later learnt an unexpected truth - on the day of my parents' arrival in Europe, I found out what I didn't know earlier on. My dad was actually diagnosed with osteoarthritis when I was away from home... Of course, it hit me immediately that my dad would not be able to enjoy the europe trip as planned for them. How was I suppose to ask my dad to walk around London for 3 consecutive days? How was I suppose to ask him to stay in a budget hotel in Paris, with no escalators? How was I suppose to ask him to climb flights and flights of stairs at the tube stations? Well, at that moment of time, there was only one thing I could wish for. I wished I had more than enough money - enough to hire limousines and chauffeur my parents around the cities of London and Paris . To put them on a comfortable cruise at one of the most beautiful lakes in Scotland. To fly them to Switzerland on a personal jet, overlooking the Alps. When i threw myself back to reality, I just cant help but to feel helpless at that moment. They were all merely a dream."

* * *

No doubt, my parents had a good time altogether. I'm thankful to have great siblings and relatives. Not to mention, i had also a strong support from my last relationship - wc was a great pillar in that particular phase of my life.

I attended the seminar last weekend, only to find out that, money was important after all. The subject of money used to be something which I always try to avoid, but right now, it occured to me that, to be financially free is really a great bonus of life.

I used to think that money won't buy happiness, but I think my perception has changed somehow. As how a close friend once said, it's how we make use of the money we have. With money, we can do many things which used to be impossible without; for the sake of love, for the sake of a happier life. It's Dad's day tomorrow, Happy Father's Day.

Is your diet well 'supplemented'?

Recently, I ran into a friend's mother at the lake gardens when she suddenly asked me, "I'm thinking of some fish oil supplements for my health. Do you think they're beneficial? What's the best brand out there?"

Well, it took me a few 'hmm's, a couple of 'er's (and perhaps a whole lot more of interjections), before i could really give her an answer!

Boy, how uninformed am I about supplements!? Seriously, i should be knowing all these (or so i thought!) - but it occurred to me, I'm really not the type of person who goes for dietary supplements!

If you let me have a choice between
1) FISH OIL CAPSULES & A SLICE OF SALMON, i would prefer the latter!
-or-
2) A BOTTLE OF VITAMIN C & A BASKET OF ORANGES, I would also grab the latter (undoubtedly!)

Yes, even if it means that i would have to go through the hassle of cooking/grilling the salmon, or peeling all of the oranges!!!

Perhaps i just have this obssesive preoccupation about feeding those pills/capsules/formulated products into our digestive tract. Perhaps I just never always have a good perception about taking pills when we are all healthy, or when we have access to a variety of healthy foods around.

Thinking over it again, maybe I should really start learning up more about dietary supplements. I believe they will not do more bad than good, as long as we go in moderation in those stuff.

To start with, should i experiment myself with some fish oil capsules? These (see picture) are complimentary gift which my senior got from a sales representative, and she was nice enough to share them with her junior pharmacists!


And lastly, my stand on dietary supplements:- Yes, they should not be harmful if they are approved and heavily tested for its safety. But the key again should be:- moderation. It's no point spending a huge sum of money on all these stuff. Stick to a healthy diet, eat good foods, and get ample exercises. That should really suffice to lead a healthy living.

My thoughts were so loud

The sun was shining with pride, its rays were piercing the cloud;
Her mind was floating to hide, its thoughts were talking aloud.

She lied down on the grass. On her favourite spot. She looked up the sky, everything seemed so peaceful. The leaves were waving in the wind, the air was warm and the breeze was soft.

Nearby, sounds of children's laughter filled the air - gleeful yet, mischievous. Sounds of innocence. Sounds of ignorance.

She's got no commitment, she's as free as the birds. Her thoughts were so loud, that it's becoming a dream. A dream which will keep her goals in focus.

When the world's so large, she knew, she will not stop searching.


"Ice-age heat wave, can't complain
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan
Going to find another place, maybe one I can stand
I move on to another day
To a whole new town with a whole new way
Went to the porch to have a thought...

I know that starting over is not what life's about
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud."

-The World At Large by Modest Mouse