Seascape Escape

Beaches are not what she usually fancies, for she is more a mountain, woods and landscape kind of person. But on that day, the seascape was so spectacular that it took her breath away. Stunning rock formations illustrated the backdrop of the view. Pristine sandy beaches stretched down as far as the eyes could see. Old wooden boats lined the shore. The whole place was sun-drenched, the sky was illustrated with fluffy clouds, the water was sparkling blue. Well, there’s just something about the Andaman water, she thought.

A few locals were at work, a couple of tourists were lazing in the sun, a group of kids were frolicking in the water...

For a moment, all her worries were swept away by the waves. All the uncertainties and the frustrations of life were drowned within the wide open sea. The whole place seemed to vibrate with a positive energy, and she prayed silently, for a quick recovery of her loved one.

A mile in a while with a smile.

I'm moving on, but i need to move on another mile,
I'm going slowly, but i know it would take a while,
I'm looking ahead, but one day, i'll look back and smile.

Money and Emotions

It was at the MMI (Millionaire Mind Intensive) seminar by T. Harv Eker, when I was challenged to recall a specific incident from the deepest of my memory - the task was to write down the most intense emotional incident from the past concerning money.

I hesitated many times before i finally decided to post this entry today. After all, I have found my courage to share it with more than 3,000 strangers in that seminar, so I asked myself - why not here?

* * *

"The incident which I am gonna share with everyone here, is merely my own resentment to the circumstances in which I felt very helpless regarding money. Well, what happened was, when i was a student in the UK, i had a dream - a dream to fly my parents to Europe upon my graduation. I had some savings, but they were not abundant. I did several things to save more - I worked at the football stadiums, i sold hotdogs at concert, I worked for my university, I saved up much of my allowances from my study sponsor - every measure was to save every penny for my parents' trip. Well, the amount I saved was not enormous, but they were eventually sufficient for me to plan a good 3-week Europe trip with the both of them. Of course, it would not be luxurious - a trip which would involve a lot of walking, staying in budget hotels, taking tubes and buses and flying via budget airlines. Despite it being low-cost, I was really anticipating for a good trip together. And then, I later learnt an unexpected truth - on the day of my parents' arrival in Europe, I found out what I didn't know earlier on. My dad was actually diagnosed with osteoarthritis when I was away from home... Of course, it hit me immediately that my dad would not be able to enjoy the europe trip as planned for them. How was I suppose to ask my dad to walk around London for 3 consecutive days? How was I suppose to ask him to stay in a budget hotel in Paris, with no escalators? How was I suppose to ask him to climb flights and flights of stairs at the tube stations? Well, at that moment of time, there was only one thing I could wish for. I wished I had more than enough money - enough to hire limousines and chauffeur my parents around the cities of London and Paris . To put them on a comfortable cruise at one of the most beautiful lakes in Scotland. To fly them to Switzerland on a personal jet, overlooking the Alps. When i threw myself back to reality, I just cant help but to feel helpless at that moment. They were all merely a dream."

* * *

No doubt, my parents had a good time altogether. I'm thankful to have great siblings and relatives. Not to mention, i had also a strong support from my last relationship - wc was a great pillar in that particular phase of my life.

I attended the seminar last weekend, only to find out that, money was important after all. The subject of money used to be something which I always try to avoid, but right now, it occured to me that, to be financially free is really a great bonus of life.

I used to think that money won't buy happiness, but I think my perception has changed somehow. As how a close friend once said, it's how we make use of the money we have. With money, we can do many things which used to be impossible without; for the sake of love, for the sake of a happier life. It's Dad's day tomorrow, Happy Father's Day.

Is your diet well 'supplemented'?

Recently, I ran into a friend's mother at the lake gardens when she suddenly asked me, "I'm thinking of some fish oil supplements for my health. Do you think they're beneficial? What's the best brand out there?"

Well, it took me a few 'hmm's, a couple of 'er's (and perhaps a whole lot more of interjections), before i could really give her an answer!

Boy, how uninformed am I about supplements!? Seriously, i should be knowing all these (or so i thought!) - but it occurred to me, I'm really not the type of person who goes for dietary supplements!

If you let me have a choice between
1) FISH OIL CAPSULES & A SLICE OF SALMON, i would prefer the latter!
-or-
2) A BOTTLE OF VITAMIN C & A BASKET OF ORANGES, I would also grab the latter (undoubtedly!)

Yes, even if it means that i would have to go through the hassle of cooking/grilling the salmon, or peeling all of the oranges!!!

Perhaps i just have this obssesive preoccupation about feeding those pills/capsules/formulated products into our digestive tract. Perhaps I just never always have a good perception about taking pills when we are all healthy, or when we have access to a variety of healthy foods around.

Thinking over it again, maybe I should really start learning up more about dietary supplements. I believe they will not do more bad than good, as long as we go in moderation in those stuff.

To start with, should i experiment myself with some fish oil capsules? These (see picture) are complimentary gift which my senior got from a sales representative, and she was nice enough to share them with her junior pharmacists!


And lastly, my stand on dietary supplements:- Yes, they should not be harmful if they are approved and heavily tested for its safety. But the key again should be:- moderation. It's no point spending a huge sum of money on all these stuff. Stick to a healthy diet, eat good foods, and get ample exercises. That should really suffice to lead a healthy living.

My thoughts were so loud

The sun was shining with pride, its rays were piercing the cloud;
Her mind was floating to hide, its thoughts were talking aloud.

She lied down on the grass. On her favourite spot. She looked up the sky, everything seemed so peaceful. The leaves were waving in the wind, the air was warm and the breeze was soft.

Nearby, sounds of children's laughter filled the air - gleeful yet, mischievous. Sounds of innocence. Sounds of ignorance.

She's got no commitment, she's as free as the birds. Her thoughts were so loud, that it's becoming a dream. A dream which will keep her goals in focus.

When the world's so large, she knew, she will not stop searching.


"Ice-age heat wave, can't complain
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan
Going to find another place, maybe one I can stand
I move on to another day
To a whole new town with a whole new way
Went to the porch to have a thought...

I know that starting over is not what life's about
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth
My thoughts were so loud."

-The World At Large by Modest Mouse

At the least expected time, in the least expected way

I felt a cold silence. She didn't utter a word at first. But i was determined to break the ice, however thick it was.

She was one typical Chinese lady whom my senior pharmacist had counselled previously. I was told that the patient spoke very little Malay and English, and it was difficult to make her understand certain things. She just showed a lack of interest, perhaps it was plainly her indifferent attitude.

The vexing point was that - she had been tested HIV-positive, and the HIV team in the hospital thought that she would need to be started on HAART medications to prolong her survival. But of course, the team can't force her to start on these medications unless she was willing to participate.

HAART. It is the "Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy". The phrase itself is a big jargon for most patients. In fact, this class of drugs is not like any other drugs you see in a pharmacy:- They are nothing like the normal oral antibiotics which you take for a week, and your infection resolves. They are nothing like the antihypertensives regimen, whereby you can skip a dose or two, and your blood pressure will still be okay. They are nothing like the over-the-counter Panadol, which you can just pop it into your mouth anytime you have a headache.

It is a combination of potent antiviral drugs to combat HIV infection. With HAART, it's completely a different challenge for the patient. One would be bound to the medications for a long time, perhaps a life time. He or she can't afford to miss many doses, otherwise the treatment would be deemed useless. Also, the patient must take the dose diligently at a fixed same time everyday. A dose fixed at 8am means it has to be consumed at 8am - no compromise. Not 7.30am, not even 8.30am. Adherence rate should ideally be near perfect, if not perfect. In simpler terms, out of 100 days, the patient can perhaps afford to miss a dose or two? This is to reduce the emergence of HIV strains which are resistant to treatment.

And, how was I suppose to tell all these to a 50-year old Chinese lady, everything in layman's term, in a language which she would comprehend? How do i make her understand that she would need the HAART therapy now? My senior stood aside and allowed me to carry out a conversation with the patient. It would be a very sensitive thing to talk about, but I just want to help this particular patient as much as I can.

Of course, her initial expression spoke of "Why do you people in the whitecoats, never stop bombarding me?". But after a while, she started to speak more and more. She started to open up. She told almost everything, how devastating it was when she was newly diagnosed. She refused to tell me how she got it, but i respected that. She had a daughter who knew about her condition, but she kept her status a secret from her other family members and friends. She had very limited educational background, and she found it very difficult to understand her condition. To accept the stark truth is already a nightmare, and now she was forced to learn to understand the whole thing.

Between her lines of words, it was the pair of eyes, the hopeful eyes in her, which told me an even more important thing - that she still loved herself very much. I held her hands in mine, and I told her, I was going to make her understand everything on that day itself, no matter how much time it would take.

I told her what HIV infection was all about. How it got into her body. How it was affecting her immune system cells. And I thought "immune system" would be too big a word for her, so i told her it is equivalent to our "body army". And why she needed the HAART medication as soon as possible to kill the virus, and to strengthen up her body army. It's like a war game. she needed the shield. the drug. to suppress and to combat the enemies. And she had no time to waste - the longer she chose to procrastinate, the weaker her army would become. the stronger her enemies in the body would be.

I paused. She looked overwhelmed, muttering some words. I could sense there was still something bothering her. I allowed a moment of silence, after which she finally asked,

"How much do I have to pay for all the medications?"

Looking straight into her eyes, i told her i have both, good and bad, news for her, "The bad news is that, the medications are going to be very expensive, depending on which type, some may be RM500/monthly, while others up to RM1000/monthly. But here's the good news, you'll be subsidised, as long as you promise to be compliant to your medications."

Little did she know that this is one of the most rewarding news i've ever broken to anyone else in my entire life. Her whole face lighted up with a faint smile. i could sense that half the burden on her shoulders were off down to the ground now.

Before I left, i quietly whispered to her, "Over here, we are all open to help you, but you would have to help yourself first". She nodded in agreement, and I felt a soft squeeze in her hand with a smile on her face. She was more a friend to me now than a patient. She was no longer the hostile-looking grumpy lady just a moment ago.

* * *

What we didnt know too was, at that time when i spoke to her, death was already very near her. Nobody knew, for she was still looking fine. Later on, she had a few other conditions which crept in. She was readmitted again, and this time she didnt make it through the first night of hospitalisation. When my senior broke the news to me over the phone, i just hanged up, biting my lips. I decided to trace her admission record from the office just to find out what happened just before death.

I learnt, sometimes things happen at the least expected time, in the least expected way. We just have to appreciate what we have today.

The Piazza

Today, I watched Angels & Demons.

And, I was bowled over by the extent to which the movie-makers go in filming a fiction novel, covering so many places of Rome in the entire 2-hour show. Of all, I think I love the view of St Peter's Square (Piazza San Pietro) the best.

I believe one of the best views of the piazza is from the dome of St Peter's Church - A height of about 140 metres should promise you a good view of the entire piazza, and even most parts ot the Vatican City. To get that view, you would first need to climb many flights of stairs before you can reach the cupola - the top of the dome.

* * *

I still remember how spontaneously we decided to make our way up to the dome. Even if it meant we had to climb a seemingly endless flights of steps. even if we had to squeeze through the narrow passageways. I didn't know if I would ever develop claustrophobia, but what i strongly knew was - I wanted to see St Peter's Square from the dome of the church.

The walls along the steps were tilted that sometimes I had to bend my body and walk on a slant with each step I made. The walls actually tilt in such a way that the dome was built. The steps felt ancient and old - some were uneven with many tiny holes. some were shiny, smoothened by the feet of throngs of climbers.

When we finally got to the top, I found myself walking around near the ceiling of the dome. I walked many rounds repeatedly, and it was nice to learn to appreciate Michelangelo's art, as depicted on the mosaic murals on the ceiling.

But the best part at the cupola was to walk out to the outside of the dome, as my eyes marvelled at the world's famous St Peter's Square, for it was simply phenomenal. The Bernini's baroque design, the centre obelisk, the standing statues, the surrounding pillars and the curvy arches. They were all majestic, a great place for congregations of a huge number of people.

This is one picture which i would always keep - the facade of the world's largest church - a view which i would not possibly forget.

* * *

I've not read the novel, so I have nothing much to comment about the story plot in the film. But there are definitely several things which caught me by surprise - I did not know that a secret underground passageway connecting the Castle San Angelo and the Vatican City actually exists! Well, it would be something interesting if it really does! And, it's amusing to see the Swiss Guards playing around with guns and all - i thought they would look better off with flamberges instead!

Well, if you ask me to watch the film again, i wouldnt say no!